falling apart into the whole

A woman falling apart into something she can love

About Me  
Ask me anything


Anon asks:

ANON PLEASE I think my boyfriend has internalized a lot of society’s harmful messages about women and sex and consent and I’m struggling to change his mind. Whenever we talk about this kind of thing, he gets defensive (“not all men”/“but women rape too!”) and it’s all so cliché – comparing rape victims to robbery victims (“of course it’s never the victim’s fault, BUT you need to be careful”), nice guys finish last/women like assholes, he’s been stuck in the “friendzone”…
STILL ANON PLEASE …he doesn’t believe rape stats because no woman has ever confided in him that she’s been raped… Eventually he agrees with me, but then we end up having the same debate again the next week, or he says things like “Logically I know you’re right…I just can’t see it that way”. I’m having a really hard time reconciling my sweet wonderful boyfriend who treats me so well with this guy who apparently thinks this way. Do you think it’s possible to educate him, and how should I do it?

I think you two should try sitting down and watching some documentaries together so he can hear it from other people instead of just you.  You can then discuss the films afterward and over time, see if his views change.  Some documentaries I recommend are Miss Representation, The Invisible War, Killing Us Softly, and Saving Face. (Followers, please comment with more documentary suggestions if you have them!)

I also think he would benefit from watching some Jackson Katz speeches because Katz is a male feminist ally and he can teach your boyfriend the idea that, as a man, he doesn’t have to defend men or be complacent in toxic masculinity and rape culture.  Here’s a Jackson Katz TED talk about male violence against women, here’s a speech he did about how men respond to their privilege being threatened, here’s one about how masculinity as a construct and a standard is harmful to men and women.  There are a lot more speeches by him that you can find on Youtube. 

It’s unfortunate that your boyfriend will probably hear and value Katz’ words more than any female speaker at this point, but you have to start somewhere, and I think it’s more important than he understands the need for feminism at all than is only shown women’s voices and never fully hears them because he lacks their perspective and is too defensive of his position as a man.  He may just have a bigger learning curve when it comes to learning to fully listen to and empathize with women, and I think having a male ally like Katz to show him how to do that is better than him never getting that far.  I hope this helps, good luck. 



Sad? A little down? Here’s a kiss from a sweet fluffy bun. She says keep going, because you may just find where the big bag of hay is kept!

I just nose-booped my phone screen. Thank you for this.

You are very welcome!!


Three OUP Employees Pay Homage to International Coffee Day (Everyday)

The Fresh Pots Society (FPS) was born when three OUP publicists—Jonathan Kroberger, Owen Keiter, and Sam Blum—realized they had a shared fascination with coffee, caffeine intake, and general snobbery. Each afternoon, Jonathan, Owen, and Sam convene over a delicious French-pressed pot of their finest grounds and catch an afternoon jolt of much needed caffeine and conversation. The process of preparing such coffee can be quite laborious, however. To get a better idea of how we make our brew, see the series of gifs above.


The Fresh Pots Society

Sad? A little down? Here’s a kiss from a sweet fluffy bun. She says keep going, because you may just find where the big bag of hay is kept!

What I remember most about emotional abuse is that it’s like being put in a box. How you end up in there is the biggest trick – I never managed to work that one out. Maybe you think it’s a treasure box at first: you’re in there because you’re special. Soon the box starts to shrink. Every time you touch the edges there is an “argument”. So you try to make yourself fit. You curl up, become smaller, quieter, remove the excessive, offensive parts of your personality – you begin to notice lots of these. You eliminate people and interests, change your behaviour. But still the box gets smaller. You think it’s your fault. The terrible, unforgivable too-muchness of you is to blame. You don’t realise that the box is shrinking, or who is making it smaller. You don’t yet understand that you will never, ever be tiny enough to fit, or silent enough to avoid a row


The thing that’s so disgusting about the murders of Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, Sean Bell etc (a very long list) is that it’s not like we’re trying to figure out who killed them. We know perfectly well. We’re just trying to figure out if that black kid deserved to die. They’re humanity is put on trial, like being a person wasn’t enough. Black people literally have to prove that we’re worthy of living.

Your privilege is comprised of the questions you’ve never had to ask.

Catherynne Valente (via ghostylight)

(Source: theblastofatrumpet)


"And on the third night you shall be visited by the Pumping Angel who will bestow upon you gifts of lactation cookies and People Magazines."



"And on the third night you shall be visited by the Pumping Angel who will bestow upon you gifts of lactation cookies and People Magazines."


(Source: e-eternais)


You would be surprised with how many people in your life could be going through depression at this very moment.  People hide it like a paper bag over their heads out of fear of being judged, made fun of, seen as weak, or just not taken seriously.  Depression should not be taken lightly, it holds us down from our purpose and potential in life.  Those who tell you that it doesn’t exist have never experienced depression in their life, therefore not understanding the symptoms and how it’s something that cannot be fixed in a day!  So if you think you are depressed or if you think you know someone else who is, please talk to a friend, a family member, or anyone else in your life that you trust - never overlook the possibility of seeing a doctor for more professional help!!  Your feelings are real, your feelings are shared upon millions.  Don’t hide it, talk to someone about it.  With the right help, you can rediscover your confidence and begin life anew with our undying love and support!

We are right here!!



SO! My sewing machine’s motor is shitting the bed. It slows down after a few hours of sewing until it stops and just buzzes with a light electronic burning smell (you know the one where electricity is sizzling but nothing’s burning).

I’m aiming to have it repaired before exploring other options….

I’m guessing you’re looking at $200-300, depending on your machine.
I would recommend asking around at repair shops for a refurbished machine. I have 2 1970’s vikings and a 1950’s singer that far, far outperform my newer (expensive!) BabyLock. As long as I can get parts for those, I’ll keep using them!


Jon Stewart callin out white people will never get old.

(Source: sandandglass)


no i dont want to be a billionaire to live a lavish lifestyle i want to be a billionaire to be financially secure and have enough money to give people things and support charities and fund kickstarters and leave hundred dollar tips

Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.

John Muir quote, A Thousand-Mile Walk to the Gulf (via cosmic-rebirth)

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