falling apart into the whole

A woman falling apart into something she can love

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Ask me anything

I look at compersion as a nice-to-have, a goal you should strive towards if you can do it. But “compersion” is often used as a club to smack people down for having feelings, and too many people have feelings of jealousy or fear or concern or even outrage to just dismiss them wholesale.

If all you ever feel when your lover’s off smooching someone else is happiness? That’s awesome! I envy you! I, however, often feel happiness mixed with fear that I’ll be replaced, and jealousy that New Guy can do things for her that I can’t (or else why would she be dating a carbon copy of me?), and it’s difficult enough to get past those feelings without the extra layer of “Oh, I must be bad at this if I have doubts.”

Why “Compersion” Should Not Be The Base Value Of Polyamory | Ferrett Steinmetz

I love this. Like, you know what’s REALLY not helpful? “COMPERSION IS REALLY GOOD YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY WHEN YOUR PARTNERS ARE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE AND IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY THEN YOU’RE NOT BEING A GOOD PARTNER TO THEM AND IT’S PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE INSECURITY PROBLEMS” well actually yes I do, thanks for noticing. Now what? Not date anyone until I’ve had a 5-year course of therapy?

(via brutereason)

THIS.

You’re not “doing poly wrong” if you can’t jump right on the compersion bandwagon. Poly people don’t flip a switch and magically stop ever feeling jealous, or insecure.

Having doubts is ok. Working through problems is what helps make relationships strong, not avoiding feelings because you don’t think you’re “supposed” to have them.

(via learningpoly)

Now that I’ve felt compersion, I strive for it. I hope for it. I think the biggest thing I hope for at this time is that I can overcome anxiety and bring it down to just mild insecurity. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that point, but it’s a goal that I’m working towards. ~D

(via polyfeels)

fugrats:

have you seen my sex tape

image

(Source: behance.net)

Bring consent out of the bedroom. I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line “it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity” is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the “aww c’mon” and “just this once” and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time.

zestoftheday:

kateoplis:

Say Anything is 25 years old, as are all the unfulfilled hopes and aspirations of your youth, including but not limited to the dream you had of making a difference in the lives of people other than your friends and family and the vague ideas that at some point in your life the work you would be doing would have meaning in and of itself and not merely be the thing you dragged yourself into each morning because you became a prisoner to status and possessions and the ever-increasing series of compromises and “temporary” positions you took with the delusion that you would only do those things until you got yourself to a place where you were able to follow your bliss, and now when you look back on that idealistic kid from 1989 you are stricken with a mixture of disgust for the ignorance of youth and sadness about the hard realities of life. But of course this is only true for people of a certain age; if you are much younger, don’t worry, I’m sure everything will work out exactly the way you expect it to.

Movie Old

… When Corey warns him he’ll get hurt, he pauses, then declares, like a battle cry, “I want to get hurt!”

This is what makes Lloyd wonderful, the best of Crowe’s rash, restless dreamers: He has all that doubt, but no fear. He knows what could happen, what almost has to happen; he charges ahead anyway. He’s not naïve. He’s simply determined in the arena of happiness and love the way other movie heroes are determined in the arenas of sports and competition. He wants to be a real person, and tells a dinner party worth of people that the only thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t want to buy anything, sell anything or process anything.

'Say Anything' At 25: Nothing Bought, Sold Or Processed

feanorr:

plot twist: humanity learns from its history

(Source: c-hr-i-stoph-r)

sweetpolylife:

transcatharsis:

transgirltumbling:

amischiefofmice:

PRAISE BE

<3

I used to work in fast food. This is wonderful.

My daughter actually wanted an Adventure Time toy when they had them a few months back, so I simply asked “May we have the Adventure Time instead of your designated girl toy” “but…it is for a girl though?” “Does that matter? We would like an Adventure time toy”

I am very happy that this is happening! Let kids choose the toy based on their preference, not their assigned sexes. -Sugar Mama

(Source: scarfetsu)

Boundaries v. Orders 

polyamorousmisanthrope:

For clarification, boundaries are not about telling the other person what to do, but saying what you will do.

Ferinstance: “Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on a Wednesday, green really scares me on that day. You’re not allowed to wear green pajamas on Wednesday” isn’t setting a…

She was laughing even as we kissed and kissed again.There is no better taste than this: someone else’s laughter in your mouth.

Forever by Maggie Stiefvater (via parachute3s)

treee-magic:

i looove this with a little bit of purple + the original brunette peeping through!

treee-magic:

i looove this with a little bit of purple + the original brunette peeping through!

(Source: crazysugarbabe3)

spiritscraft:

Many Liters of home brewed mead!

And you, my dear must be on some whole &#8216;nother level! I admire you. For your beauty, your brain, and your heart.

And you, my dear must be on some whole ‘nother level! I admire you. For your beauty, your brain, and your heart.

A dialogue that slips into desperate abandonment rage or hopeless evasiveness will never end in workable solutions. The essence of good problem solving is being able to stay focused and flexible. Emotional safety promotes a team approach and creative problem solving. Countless studies link emotional safety and secure connection to our ability to assert our needs, empathize with others, tolerate ambiguity, and think clearly and coherently. It makes sense to take care of the hot bonding issues hiding out in pragmatic problems first, before trying to find workable solutions. Sometimes just clarifying the emotional music playing when a topic comes up changes the problem itself.

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson (via thingsivelearnedfrombeingopen)

mileaux:

callium:

COME HERE TUMBLR USERS LET ME SHOW YOU A THING

ARTISTS, WRITERS, AND LEFTIES ALIKE HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS THING COUNTLESS TIMES

ITS FREAKING ANNOYING AND CAN SMUDGE UP YOUR ART OR WRITING

BUT LOOK AT THIS THING

YES, THATS RIGHT

NO MORE CUTTING UP GLOVES OR TRYING TO KEEP YOUR HAND AT AN AWKWARD ANGLE TO AVOID SMUDGING

AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S EVEN BETTER?????

THEY HAVE IT FOR BOTH FINGERS TOO NOW SO YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE PINKIE OR YOUR RING FINGER

IT EVEN COMES IN MULTIPLE COLORS

AND THE BEST PART?!?!

IT WORKS FOR STOPPING FRICTION ON YOUR TABLET AND MAKES THE SCREEN NOT PICK UP THE PRESSURE OF YOUR HAND (there are example videos on the site)

OH MY GOD I NEEEEEEEED

My 15yo has sensory issues and was just asking for something like this. He originally asked for the sleeves you can put your thumb through and I told him I could just make him some fingerless gloves. But this is brilliant!

When I get it figured out, I’ll make one up for you too #theladybard!

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